Day 2 pain insomnia:

So it is now almost 4am and the pain is niggling and the cough, well its coughing. I’ve got used to these nights over the last 15 years or so/ It used to be fine as I would work through them, sometimes helping out with a local flower stall and butchers before going to my real job at the bar. But when I became unable to work things have got a little harder. I used to read when things got bad like tonight, but when your in a relationship your partner tends to get a little grumpy that the light is on all night. We used to live in a shared flat with no communal space other than a tiny kitchen and bathroom and then we lived in a bed sit where there was also no space to go somewhere where you wont wake the other person. I have lost count of the times when I was a little more mobile that I ended up sat on the toilet with a blanket to keep warm reading a book, as my partner had to go to work the next day.

Things now are a little different, as we moved into a wheelchair converted downstairs council flat in the last two years and it has a separate lounge or bathroom. I made sure that the sofa was a sofa bed so that when nights like this occurred one of us could get some sleep if the other couldn’t. It hasn’t worked out quite like that though, My partner the slave is now my full time career as I have become more and more unable to fend for my self. This has meant that overnight he went from being an unemployed bar tender who cared for me to my official carer. This is a blessing and a curse to him, as on the plus side he gets a lot more time to use his beloved computer and play his beloved World of Warcraft, and he can stay up late without worrying about going to work the next day (which is a bonus for me as it means that when I need to get up or move I don’t have to wake him and see that grumpy sleep deprived face), but on the negative side he has caught my insomnia himself, we struggle for money and our social life is very limited. So now we both have insomnia nights!

So as I am typing this he is in the lounge listening to some very loud and dodgy music whilst gaming. I am in the bed with my modern jeeves bell – the text function of the mobile phone. Well it works for us.

I have met a lot of people with chronic pain or some form of life changing illness or disability over the years and I have often been struck by how many of them forget just how much their situation affects others around them, some have been so totally wrapped up in themselves that they don’t see the damage they cause to loved ones or are down right rude to paid carers or nurses. I saw a woman in during my last trip to hospital who treated the nurses as dirt, and sadly she is just one of many, because the NHS is free people assume that they are there to serve the persons every beck and call… one old man in a ward I was in once pressed the buzzer to get a nurse to go and fetch his slippers, when he was perfectly able to do it for himself.

I am guilty of this sometimes with the slave but I always try to make a conscious effort not to be. I would be lost with out him.  I think he knows this too as he keeps getting away with murder.

Even my hamster has given up with the running and chewing – and shes nocturnal so with that hint that she wants her beauty sleep I shall leave this rant there other than to say, if you have someone who cares for you in any way just let them know that they are appreciated.

Morning x

Image

Rorschach in the washing basket trying to work out how to escape (her plan worked, by looking sweet slave went and took her out !)

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