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comming soon

I decided that I wanted to make this blog into a crafty show, explain and share so as of january I will be posting my artwork, crsftwork, poetry, photos and hamster horror stories ! 


See uou soon x


note to self regarding thieving little hamsters

Rorschach is a spoilt hamster with two huge cages interlinked by a tube. Because of the size of her palacial home it sits on my desk. Next to ne end are shelves with my card making papers and crafting goodies, the other end the desk continues and inhave a range of old mugs with pens and oencils in them.  So you get the picture. My little darling has somehow worked out how to reach through her bars and pull into her cage pencils over the lsst couple of weeks, so I had to move things round. I thought I was safe until tonight, this time the thief msnaged to pull into her cage one o the pretty origami papers off the shelf.  This was made worse by the fact that I gave her some paper to chew and she hasnt touched it, plus the noise at 2am is attrocious!

Looks like I have to change my shelves round our loose my gorgeous paper. As for my thieving hammy well she gave the who me look and got the slave to forgive her.



Day 2 pain insomnia:

So it is now almost 4am and the pain is niggling and the cough, well its coughing. I’ve got used to these nights over the last 15 years or so/ It used to be fine as I would work through them, sometimes helping out with a local flower stall and butchers before going to my real job at the bar. But when I became unable to work things have got a little harder. I used to read when things got bad like tonight, but when your in a relationship your partner tends to get a little grumpy that the light is on all night. We used to live in a shared flat with no communal space other than a tiny kitchen and bathroom and then we lived in a bed sit where there was also no space to go somewhere where you wont wake the other person. I have lost count of the times when I was a little more mobile that I ended up sat on the toilet with a blanket to keep warm reading a book, as my partner had to go to work the next day.

Things now are a little different, as we moved into a wheelchair converted downstairs council flat in the last two years and it has a separate lounge or bathroom. I made sure that the sofa was a sofa bed so that when nights like this occurred one of us could get some sleep if the other couldn’t. It hasn’t worked out quite like that though, My partner the slave is now my full time career as I have become more and more unable to fend for my self. This has meant that overnight he went from being an unemployed bar tender who cared for me to my official carer. This is a blessing and a curse to him, as on the plus side he gets a lot more time to use his beloved computer and play his beloved World of Warcraft, and he can stay up late without worrying about going to work the next day (which is a bonus for me as it means that when I need to get up or move I don’t have to wake him and see that grumpy sleep deprived face), but on the negative side he has caught my insomnia himself, we struggle for money and our social life is very limited. So now we both have insomnia nights!

So as I am typing this he is in the lounge listening to some very loud and dodgy music whilst gaming. I am in the bed with my modern jeeves bell – the text function of the mobile phone. Well it works for us.

I have met a lot of people with chronic pain or some form of life changing illness or disability over the years and I have often been struck by how many of them forget just how much their situation affects others around them, some have been so totally wrapped up in themselves that they don’t see the damage they cause to loved ones or are down right rude to paid carers or nurses. I saw a woman in during my last trip to hospital who treated the nurses as dirt, and sadly she is just one of many, because the NHS is free people assume that they are there to serve the persons every beck and call… one old man in a ward I was in once pressed the buzzer to get a nurse to go and fetch his slippers, when he was perfectly able to do it for himself.

I am guilty of this sometimes with the slave but I always try to make a conscious effort not to be. I would be lost with out him.  I think he knows this too as he keeps getting away with murder.

Even my hamster has given up with the running and chewing – and shes nocturnal so with that hint that she wants her beauty sleep I shall leave this rant there other than to say, if you have someone who cares for you in any way just let them know that they are appreciated.

Morning x


Rorschach in the washing basket trying to work out how to escape (her plan worked, by looking sweet slave went and took her out !)

hairy farmer’s daughter.., pain + insomnia = blog !

Its 4am and I can’t sleep so after trawling the internet I find myself typing my first blog post, and for me thats sane.

Who am I, well I am the daughter of a hairy farmer from dorset, who was mesmerised at a young age by the lights of London (I’m scared of the dark and growing up in the middle of nowhere with no street lights was a night light sellars dream), and moved to london to go to university,  and I have been here ever since.

As I dropped out of my theology degree after a year I went into bar work, managment, resturant, bar and club managment, and I loved every minute of it. I also dabbled in fruit packing, making hearing loops for the deaf and working for the job centre. During my short career I got to meet and work with many amazing people and I learnt to live.

In 2002 my preexisting pain condition became unbarable, and I was left on crutches for 8 years and have been using a wheelchair and the dreaded mobility scooter full time for the last 3 and a bit years. I was diagnosed back in 2002 as having the rarer form of regional sympathetic dystrophy (RSD),  which means that a dysfunctional nerve in my leg thinks its in pain and cant be convinced other wise. This means that I have hyper sensitivity in that leg (and since then in my nose, and toe which ive broken,) and I cant weight bare on it. As I used the crutches for a long time it left me with arthritis in the right knee and basically that means wheels not feet.

I have an internal spinal cord stimulator (basically a electric vibration connected to my spine to try and distort some of the pain signals) for the RSD and I take opiates for the arthritis,  as I have a very high tollerance of oain medication… to me normal pain pills are as good as popping skittles or other tablet sized candy!just before my career ended I started a relationship with my partner, the slave and we have been together ever since! I have restarted a degree this time in psychology, become a computer game player (for those who know World of Warcraft, I was hairymary a arcane toting mage and currently play a rogue who likes nothing more than picking pokets).

I was supposed to finish my degree this year, but instead I have a cough which has increased my pain (mainly because it makes the stimulator send huge shocks every time I cough), so until they work out whats causing it and treat it, I am stuck at home.

So I have gone back to doing the things I love, getting messy, playing with words and causing chaos.

I think that brings me up to date. Oh I missed out, I have a love of hamsters, and currently we have a femae syrian called rorschach, a sweet trouble maker, who was a surprise gift from my partner following the koss of our last hammy lilith. I woke up to the doorbell ringing and after struggling to the door I found no one there but a small box saying help ive been abandoned and I need a good home on it. And inside was rorschach (named as her bsck looked like one of those ink blott tests!). So we are a family of three.

Inside was trouble with a capital R!

Inside was trouble with a capital R!


She would rather have a box than any of her toys ... it provides hours of munching fun

She would rather have a box than any of her toys … it provides hours of munching fun

And that is me,